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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25968085">The Effects of Fused Underwear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pm10261/pseuds/pm10261'>pm10261</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Torchwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, F/M, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:47:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25968085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pm10261/pseuds/pm10261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The SUV crashed because of an alien.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Effects of Fused Underwear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had finally captured the alien, it had taken 5 hours and the team, Tosh, Gwen, Ianto and Jack were tired, dirty and glad they were able to get back to the SUV to head back to base.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want to get back, have a long hot shower and go home to Rhys, he’s cooking lasagna tonight.” Stated Gwen as she picked some dried mud off her cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“A long hot bath, with lots and lots of bubbles, a glass of white wine, then I’m going to go bed and sleep for at least 10 hours.” Mused Tosh.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I join either of you in bath or the shower?” Leered Jack.</p><p> </p><p>Ianto, who was driving, rolled his eyes and was about to respond, when the SUV rolled.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rolled down the embankment, coming to land on its side.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Everyone okay?” Queried Jack, looking around, seeing Gwen and Tosh moving, he looked over to Ianto, who was very still, hands still gripping the wheel.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, head sore, how is everyone else?” Tosh asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, fine, Ianto what happened?” Was Gwen’s response.</p><p> </p><p>“Yan, Yan, you okay? Yan talk to me, you're worrying me!” Jack said as he stroked his hand over Ianto’s, which was still gripping the wheel.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, is he okay? I can’t really see, were on a weird angle, why didn’t the airbags deploy?” Before Jack could answer Tosh’s questions, a short bright light enveloped the SUV, making the dashboard explode, sending small sparks racing over the controls, the door locks engaged and then a loud bang noise.</p><p> </p><p>Then... quite.</p><p> </p><p>Then... nothing.</p><p> </p><p>The three awake members of Torchwood sat there... stunned.</p><p> </p><p>Jack reached over to Ianto again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yan, I really need to hear your beautiful Welsh vowels, your ...”</p><p>Before Jack could finish what he was saying, Ianto jerked, his whole body going into a spasm, as much as it could, belted into the seat of a car that was on its side.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack... what happened? ... my head hurts.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, we’ve had an accident, what do you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we were driving along, heading back after collecting the alien, the girls were talking about what sort of ablution they were going to have when they got home, when the car ... I don’t know, there was a ...” Ianto looked around, not having the words to explain what happened. “I don’t know why that happened.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, were all okay, we just need to call Owen and he can come and get us.” Gwen said.</p><p> </p><p>Tosh tried to undo her seat belt, to climb out of the car. “Jack, my belt wont undo, it seems to have been damaged in the crash.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mine to, I didn’t want to undo it, didn’t want to land on Tosh.” Gwen struggled with the belt, “it won’t move, it’s jammed, I can’t get it to stretch out, to climb out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tosh, has yours locked as well?”</p><p> </p><p>Tosh pulled at the belt, it was also holding her hard against the back of the seat, “Yeah, can’t budge it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack tried his. “This is strange, one belt could jam but not three.” He reached over to Ianto’s belt and gave a bit of a pull. “Defiantly not all four belts.”</p><p> </p><p>“The door won’t open.” Gwen had tried to open the door, and it wouldn’t budge.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll try the central locking.” Suggested Ianto, but when the button was pushed, nothing, he tried the master button in the door, again nothing. “Looks like we are stuck here till someone comes for us.” Sighed Ianto.</p><p> </p><p>“Can anyone reach a knife?” Jack queried, “we may be able to cut the belt.”</p><p> </p><p>They all tried to reach bags, glove-boxes, but no knives were found.</p><p> </p><p>“There is full rescue gear in the back, but we can’t reach it.” Jack sighed. “Well kids, we will just have to hang around for help. Ianto, Gwen, you okay, Tosh and I can lean on the doors, but you're hanging, will you be okay. I would prefer Owen comes for us, instead of normal Road Service, we have a dead alien in the boot.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto looked in the rear vision mirror, to check how the girls were, “Ah - Jack, the alien isn’t dead, the bag is moving.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it still tied down? Does it look like it’s gonna get out?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Jack, it seems to be only moving a small bit, not struggling to get out of the bag.”</p><p> </p><p>Another flash on light made them all jump.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I know what the alien is now.” Jack spoke confidently, “It’s protecting itself, it’s a form of electromagnetic pulse, it wont hurt us, but it will have fried our electronics, I don’t think our comms is going to work,” he check and it and his mobile, both were dead. “Great, comms is out, so’s the mobile, that pulse, it also works on certain chemicals bonding them, mainly metals and petrochemicals. Girls you may find your bra is like the seat belt and the metal clasps will have become stuck together, you are gonna have to be cut out, I’ll assist you if you like.” He smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“Um - Jack, are you commando today, all your boxers are either a satin blend or a poly cotton, both have fibres made from a petrochemical.” Ianto asked, trying not to smirk himself.</p><p> </p><p>“I gather by the smirk Mr Jones, you are commando or wearing natural fibres.” Snarked Jack, who had tried to wiggle in his seat, and realised his underpants were not giving.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack if our comms is out, how do we get help.” Asked Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“Owen will realise, in about 10 minutes we haven’t called in, and will try to contact us. When he can’t he will do some checks, work out we need assistance and come out to find us.” Answered Ianto.</p><p> </p><p>“How far from Cardiff are we?” Gwen replied.</p><p> </p><p>“It was just over 2 hours to where we picked up the alien, and we had driven back about 12 minutes, so about 1 hour and 48 minutes. I had contacted Owen when we set off and arranged to call him every half hour in case we needed to divert for another incident.” Ianto shrugged as he informed the team of the time frame. “So he will call, and hopefully realise we have had an accident and come for us.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what if he does’t?” Whined Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“He worked as an emergency Doctor, he always expects the worst when we fail to call in, and if he thinks I’m driving - it wouldn’t surprise him if I ran off the road, he’s been going on about it a lot lately.” Replied Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s only doing that, Jack, because he’s afraid you’ll have an accident with him in the car and he is breakable now.” Ianto informed him.</p><p> </p><p>“So what are we going to do?” Gwen said, sounding very pissed off.</p><p> </p><p>“I suggest we hang around and wait for him.” Snarked Ianto, “not much else we can do.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack started to snigger, “Hang around, good one Ianto.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto rolled his eyes, and realised his head hurt. Jack noticed the grimace. “You okay Yan?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, knocked my head.” He reached up to the side of his head and looked at his fingers, a smear of blood stained his fingers. “Just a little bit, just a scrap.”</p><p> </p><p>“Make sure Owen checks it out, I known what you are like, worrying about everyone else.” Jack replied, frustrated that he couldn’t look and check out Ianto’s injury.</p><p> </p><p>“So we just have to hang around and wait?” Gwen asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep, that’s about it.” Jack replied. “At least we all had a pitstop when we got petrol last.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say that, the minute anyone talks about not going for a wee, that’s all I want to do.” Replied Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“I think that is a bit TMI for my liking,” commented Ianto.</p><p> </p><p>“So what are we going to talk about, to pass the time until the cavalry arrives?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just as long it isn’t stories of your past conquests, Jack, they are not suitable for mixed company.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Gwen I thought you enjoyed the tentacle sex stories?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, she likes them when it is just you and her, when there are others she gets embarrassed that she likes them.” Whispered Ianto, then said, louder for the others to hear, “No, Jack, not today, my head is a bit sore to cope with all the eye rolling that comes with your stories.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have we any food?” Asked Tosh, “We ate before we left, but its been hours, and we did run around a lot, to catch the alien.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, in the glove box, there may be some of Myfanwy’s chocolate, I bought some yesterday and didn’t take it in.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nup, just some chocolate wrappers, and before you say anything, it wasn’t me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Ianto, that was me, I was hungry when I went out to see Andy, and couldn’t resist the chocolate.” Gwen apologised.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s all I can think of, food wise, there is the emergency kit in the boot, but, well, we can’t get to it.”</p><p> </p><p>They all sat, Gwen and Ianto suspended, Jack and Tosh below them, waiting.</p><p> </p><p>“At least it’s not too cold.” Said Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t, you’ll make the heavens open up, we'll be rained, snowed and hailed on, if you say something like that.” Jack exclaimed.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, Jack, it’s suppose to snow later this evening, and a hard frost has been forecast for the morning.” Ianto supplied.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re gonna freeze, and we can’t even cuddle to keep warm. I think heaven would be having everyone all wrapped up together. You know with hypothermia, it’s better to be naked, to get skin on skin contact, suppose to be warmer that way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nice try Jack, you know that only is for when one person is hypothermic and the other isn’t. Plus,” Ianto added, whispering the last bit, “I don’t like to share you, you're all mine.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack shivered at the way Ianto sounded, he liked it when Ianto was like that, possessive, it was so sexy. Made him think of the last time Ianto had been bossy, and taken charge, that had been fun.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack are you cold? you just shivered.” Asked Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>Ianto smirked, knowing what he had done to Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s fine Gwen.”</p><p> </p><p>Tosh could see Ianto’s face had had a good idea of what caused Jack to shiver like that, she had noticed the Ianto was a master of causing Jack’s blood to run quickly south.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen, you know lots of games, can you think of one we can play to pass the time?” Tosh asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we need to keep warm, so how about a game that will make us blush, oh, I know, we have to ask each other questions, trying to make the a person blush, but not the one we asked the question of.” Suggested Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>Jack grinned, he knew he would be able to make Ianto blush very easily.</p><p> </p><p>“Not a good idea, blushing brings the blood to the surface and it will make the person who blushes get colder quicker.” Supplied Tosh, she had noticed Ianto’s look of horror. She also saw Ianto mouth ‘thanks’ to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you think of something.”</p><p> </p><p>“How about, we take turns describing something or someone and we have to guess who or what it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good idea, Tosh. I’ll start.” Said Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, lets see, famous, English, dowdy dresses, has been vilified by the press, has had a person want to be her tampon...”</p><p> </p><p>“Ewww, Jack, who on earth are you talkin’ about!” Gwen squealed.</p><p> </p><p>“Camilla, The Duchess of Cornwall.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s right, Ianto.”</p><p> </p><p>“How on earth did you known that?” queried Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“He knows everything.” Chorused Jack and Tosh together. “Ianto your turn.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, male, known to use a vituperate tone when dealing with people. Curley hair, English, on the radio.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is vitu... what’s that?” queried Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“Some one who speaks of others in a nasty tone.” Supplied Tosh.</p><p> </p><p>“Russell Brand?” Asked Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep, got it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey not fair, use proper words, okay, words I would known. I don’t read the dictionary for fun,” pouted Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“Your turn Gwen.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, let's see. Female, tall, blonde hair, has her own tv program.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that all the clues?” Jack looked confused, “I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Does the show happen in New York and is she German, married to Seal?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s married to a seal? I didn’t think you could do that, yet.” Jack asked, more confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Tosh, yes.” replied Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“Heidi Klum.” Tosh replied, gleefully that she was able to work out who it was.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you liked Project Runway.” Ianto stated.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, I always record it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Never would have picked you as a fan of that.” Gwen said, “I didn’t think any of you would have even heard of her.”</p><p> </p><p>“You would be surprised by what Jack likes to watch when it’s quite.” Supplied Ianto.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, tell me more.” Gwen smirked. “Is he into cheesy Sci-Fi, or does he love the cooking programs? The renovations, I known, he watches WifeSwap.”</p><p> </p><p>“I do not watch WifeSwap, well I watched one episode, wasn’t what I thought it would be.”</p><p> </p><p>“He thought it was wife swapping as in swinging.” Ianto remembered that conversation well.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” said Tosh, “Is that a car coming this way?”</p><p> </p><p>They all watched as the car stopped and two men got out of the car one walked towards the SUV, it was dark and cold, they couldn’t tell who the men were, they were both rugged up in warm clothes. The other man seemed to be getting a bag from the boot.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you lot okay?” It was Rhys. “Gwen, are you okay, Owen called me, he was worried and thought you might have crashed?”</p><p> </p><p>He looked into the window, scared that they may all be unconscious, and surprised to see all four looking at him, smiles on their faces.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey why didn’t you call or even get out of the car? Are you okay? Are you all daft? Why didn’t you get out of the SUV?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Rhys, help me with some equipment, they must be injured in they are still in the car.” Owen yelled.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, they seem fine.” Rhys yelled back, “But they are all still in their car seats, belted in, it looks funny, but they said they’re fine, they’re smiling, can’t hear them, but.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s toughened glass, probably hard to hear them if the window is closed. Wonder why they didn’t get out when we arrived?” Owen asked while walking over to the car, letting out a sigh, glad that no one needed mouth to mouth or were badly injured. It was frustrating for him, being dead.</p><p> </p><p>“The doors wont open.” Rhys tried the two off-side door and the boot, they wouldn’t budge.</p><p> </p><p>“Owen ran a scanner of the doors. The locks have been fused, we'll have to break a window. Hey guys can you move way from the window, we need to break it.” Owen yelled.</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t move, the alien gave off a pulse, it’s fused the locks, and metals, our seat belts wont undo and the fabric in the straps has fused.” Jack yelled back.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that is going to make it difficult. Rhys, you got any ideas, I don’t want to smash the glass with anyone sitting near it, they will get cut.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can we push a window off it’s track and pull it down, it the glass strong enough to do that?” Asked Rhys.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that should work, but you’ll have to do it, I prepare some supplied in case anyone gets injured.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Gwen, I’m gonna push at your window to get it off the track, put your hands over your face, make sure your eyes are covered, in case the glass breaks.” Yelled Rhys.</p><p> </p><p>Rhys pushed at the window, it came off it track, but he had to pull it out of the window, as the mechanism was fused, and he couldn’t get it to go down.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, let’s get you out sweetie.” Rhys tried to pull the strap of the seatbelt holding Gwen in her seat, but it wouldn’t move.</p><p> </p><p>“You will need to get something to cut it with, the fibres have fused in place and it wont retract or move, and you’ll have to help me out, my jeans and top are fine but my underwear, it’s solid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Solid, but - okay it solid but you wear undies, surely that wont stop you moving?” Rhys looked confused.</p><p> </p><p>“My undies are stopping me bending my legs, I’m stuck in a sitting position, and the others might be in the same boat.” Gwen supplied.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine to move, it’s just the bra clasp and my zipper that is solid,” Tosh supplied.</p><p> </p><p>“Tosh, pure silk underwear, nice.” leered Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up Jack, or we will all laugh at you.” Ianto hit him lightly on the arm.</p><p> </p><p>“It looks like we are going to have to get you all out through the windows, I can’t budge the doors.” Rhys panted, after trying to pull the door open. “Hey, Owen, you got anything in your box of tools that might get the doors open?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, let's get the back window out and we can try and cut the seat belts, there should be some high speck tools in the back.”</p><p> </p><p>It took a while but finally Rhys and Owen got the rear window out, by pulling out the seal on the window and having cut open the tool box, “Next time Harkness, get the cheap plastic tool box, the metal one has fused as well.” Owen grumbled as they realised the tool box was damaged as well.</p><p> </p><p>They finally managed to cut the first seat belt, doing Gwen first as she was getting very antsy, and complaining loudly. The two men helped to manoeuvre her out, which was like doing a puzzle, as she was unable to move around much. No only had her undies fused but the zip on her jeans was solid.</p><p> </p><p>Owen and Rhys moved her behind the SUV and Owen gave Rhys the cutting tools. “Here have some fun getting your missus out of her clothes.” Owen grinned at Rhys, who has an even bigger grin on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Oy, what do I wear if my clothes are cut off me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve some rescue blankets, the spare clothes will be in the same situation as the clothes you are wearing.” replied Owen.</p><p> </p><p>While Rhys helped get Gwen’s clothes off her, Owen leaned into the car and cut the belt of Tosh. “Sure you're okay to climb out, you need any help?”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank’s Owen, I’m fine, the only clothing issue I have is the catches on my bra and the fact the elastic in the bra has fused, so it’s working more like a corsets, not too uncomfortable.”</p><p> </p><p>Owen thought about that for a moment, how could a bra act like a corset.</p><p> </p><p>“Owen, before you break you brain, it’s must be a long line bra.” Supplied Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“True, Jack, how come you known so much about women’s bra’s?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have you know I love women’s underwear, loved the ones that were worn in the Edwardian times, make wonderful busts, just the thing to ...”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack! Too Much Information.” Scolded Ianto.</p><p> </p><p>Jack whispered to Ianto, “you should see me in a corset, been told it is quite a... good look on me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto whispered back “Well, you will just have to prove that, wont you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Jack, are you listening to me? You looked like you zoned out there for a moment, have you been injured?” Questioned Owen.</p><p> </p><p>Ianto sniggered.</p><p> </p><p>“No, fine. Owen, how much longer?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ianto is next, hey Ianto, mate, hate to ask you this, but how’s your underwear?” Owen had difficulty keeping a straight face.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, I have a button fly with bone buttons and my clothes are natural fibres.” replied Ianto, primly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah but you must have some elastic in your boxers?”</p><p> </p><p>“Owen, he’s commando today.” Supplied Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to know how you know that.” replied Owen, “Okay tea boy, brace yourself, I’m just about cut through the straps.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto climbed out and lent against the side of the SUV, there was lots he could be doing to help, but his head was sore, much worse that he had let the others know.</p><p> </p><p>Jack was the most difficult to get out, he was wearing boxers in a mixed fibre, so they were stiff, he had a metal zip in his pants and his socks were also a man made fibre, so he had difficulty in walking, he was unable to bend his ankles.</p><p> </p><p>Jack stood, well stooped, next to the SUV as Owen and Ianto tried to get his clothes off him, they had to cut off his pants, as they couldn’t get his shoes off, to be able to cut his pants off, to be able to cut the shoes off to get to the socks.</p><p> </p><p>Owen wasn’t happy with crouching behind Jack as he was bent over trying to cut clothes off him, but they, after a fair amount of time, got him free of the fused clothing and wrapped up in his great coat. They all bundled into the other vehicle, including the alien, who had been sedated, and went back to the hub, and home.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen and Rhys had fun, recreating the cutting off of the clothing.</p><p> </p><p>A sated Rhys commented to Gwen, “I never thought of cutting off clothes as foreplay, but it was rather.... invigorating.”</p><p> </p><p>Tosh wrote in her blog, never underestimate the value of pure silk underwear, it has many uses and reasons why it should be worn to work, and not just for the usual reasons.</p><p> </p><p>Jack and Ianto re-visited Jack’s corset wearing escapades, he knew he still had one in a cupboard somewhere, and both of them were soooo glad he was able to find it.</p><p> </p><p>That night Owen wished he could drink the last of the alcohol that was in his flat, he sat looking at it, fuming that he couldn’t drink, or getting up to the fun, he expected, no knew, the others were up to.</p><p> </p><p>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another old story from June 2011, Will have to write some new stuff soon.  <br/>Written for redisourcolour Challenge 17 - Theme: Weather.  Words: dowdy, vituperate, chocolate wrapper and the sentence: "That night [x] drank the last of the [x] him/her/itself...’</p><p>A/N - cheated with the sentence, sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude the the Queen’s daughter in law, it has been previously reported, I didn’t make it up!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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